Photo by Eric Muhr on Unsplash

Death brings life. We've heard it so many times in so many ways. But here we are on the cusp of a new month and the season of Advent, and here I am awaiting my baby's birth, uncertain of what all this newness holds for our lives.

As autumn leaves die in a beautiful burst of color, they fall to the ground, providing rich food for soil and plants to reemerge in spring. But the death-like stalks of winter in between are beautiful in their own way, for without them we wouldn't cherish those few moments of fading beauty each fall, and without them we wouldn't be forced to slow down, stop, and look for hope in every flake of snow and every warming fire's light.

These are the thoughts I had many times this fall as I played outside with my firstborn, relishing each wondrous moment of mother-son joy and love, each day I could see flaming glory on our maple tree before something new and different would replace it.

In a way, the anticipation of my second son's birth holds a dying of the way things were, and I have grieved a bit over this. Please don't misunderstand; I am overjoyed at the thought of welcoming a new sweet baby into my arms. Yet our lives will never be the same, and our lives are so full and beautiful right now, it has been hard to imagine something different.

Like the change of seasons, or the death of Mary's reputation and normalcy, grief is a stretching and preparation in itself for new life and new joy and new hope never before fathomed.

Mary was willing; we know that. But we can only imagine how much she wrestled with her flesh in the desire to have things stay the same and comfortable and happy. Instead she was given the opportunity to die to her old life and grieve over what was and take on something so magnificent that not only her body but her very soul would be transformed.

As Advent begins, I think of the hush and waiting and darkness of winter. There was so much death leading up to and surrounding the birth of Jesus Christ, most of his contemporaries didn't even notice His entrance because they were caught up in their own grief. They expected something (someone) huge and glamorous to be their rescue, something in step with what they were used to and the stories they had ingrained in their hopes for generations.

Yet Mary's death to self allowed her to give life to the Light of the World. Jesus' death to self defined His entire life on earth and gave Life to all who would call on His name, die to themselves and live a life they never could have conceived.

Death produces grief, and grief produces healing and a new Life we can only imagine. I pray that your grief this season, whatever it may be, would lead to a hope and joy you never thought possible.

And Mary said:

“My soul glorifies the Lord
     and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
 for he has been mindful
    of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
     for the Mighty One has done great things for me—

    holy is his name.

Luke 1:46-49

There is a tension in which followers of Jesus must always live. We must seek first the kingdom of heaven. And we must work with diligence and excellence at whatever sort of labor God has given us to do. This means our minds and hearts are constantly pulled both upward and outward, and it is a very stretching place to be.

Lately I've felt this tension strongly. I so want to be a woman characterized by discipline and effectiveness in my work. I know this pleases the Lord. Yet almost as soon as I begin striving in any area, I sense my heart being pulled further from His. The insecurities and pride arise, and I feel myself less grounded and more self-centered. And that's not where I want to be.

I know I'm called to be a woman after the heart of God, and I know I'm called to be in this world and working hard as unto the Lord at whatever my hand finds to do. So how do I live well in this tension?

Psalm 23. I have so often overlooked this Psalm because it seemed like a child's verse, something to memorize in Sunday school because it's short and sweet. Lately, though, my weary heart has been drawn toward it for my own edification.

These six verses show me that the Lord, my gentle Shepherd, is guiding me, even prodding me perhaps, toward living in the center of His will, toward Kingdom come. Toward eternity. At the same time, He knows this life contains seasons sadness, fear, distraction and weariness, and He promises that He won't let me off the path in spite of these oppositions.

The final verse assures me that He will never stop pursuing me, and the end is that I will be united with Him forever.

No matter how many times I wander off the path. No matter how many times I stumble. No matter how many times I become sick with fear or lost in confusion. He is my Shepherd, and He keeps me.

I may still feel stretched or pushed out of my comfort zone. I may still question my motives and His purposes. But I will never be left to figure it out on my own.

May you be refreshed by this Psalm and remember the truth that you are not perfect and never will be, but Jesus was the perfect sacrificial Lamb, and by His blood, we are made perfect always in the eyes of God.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
 Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.
 You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Image copyright 2018 by Faith Ganchua

Since the end of March when I found out I was pregnant with my second baby, I have spent a lot of time longing for him to come.

Though I don't have nearly as much time to dwell on the thought of this child as I did while pregnant with my first, ever since I began to really feel pregnant (especially in this third trimester), I've been inventing scenarios in my head, imagining what he will look like and how his personality will be unique and how he and his big brother will interact.

I've been writing lists of projects to complete before his birth to make the postpartum period and transition to a family of four as peaceful as possible. And I've been falling more and more in love with him, even though I haven't really seen him or touched him yet (you could make a case for ultrasound pics and the fact that he's literally surrounded by my body, but we're going to set that aside and go with - ya know what I mean).

Every day is full of thoughts of my precious unborn child and how I can best prepare for his coming. Every night is full of too many projects and not enough sleep because I want so badly to make his entrance to the world just right. And every morning is full of the little aches and pains that serve as reminders that my entire body is growing and stretching to accommodate his place in our lives.

The other day I was playing outside with my firstborn son, enjoying the crisp-but-not-too-cold Midwest fall air. I looked up when I felt a sudden warmth, and beyond the cinnamon-colored leaves of our Maple tree, I saw the late afternoon autumn sun bursting through clouds. It took my breath away, and all I could think of for a moment was the beauty of my Savior.

And then I wondered, what would it be like if I longed for Jesus' return as much as I long for my son to be born? Surely I would devote more time to studying everything I could about Him, getting to know Him more, and growing in my relationship with Him. I would prepare my home as much as I could to serve others in His name. Only the Father knows the day or the hour when Jesus will come, but if I knew, I would certainly count down the days, just like I know, as I write this, that I have 37 days until my little prince is full term.

All I talk about these days is my pregnancy and what I hope for regarding the birth and introduction of my son to our family. But if I longed for Jesus that much, I would talk incessantly about how much I love Him and can't wait to meet Him face to face.

God is gracious and knows that in our present condition we are torn between the temporal and the eternal, and there are practical things we need to think about and plan for such as caring for our families and eating and sleeping. Yet, the Lord's Prayer tells us to pray that God's will be done on earth as it is in heaven, showing us that His Kingdom has a place in the here and now. Just like us, God (in Jesus) is both physical and spiritual, and we can long for Him with all our hearts at the same time we take care of "earthly business."

May we desire His Kingdom to come and His will to be done and long to meet Him face to face with the same all-consuming passion that drives us to anticipate the arrival of a dear friend or a new baby.

Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash

Note: This isn't my typical "devotional" blog post, but since I believe God is part of every area of my life and this is the stage of life I am currently in, I have decided to incorporate a post once in a while on motherhood/marriage/homemaking topics. Please enjoy if this is relevant to you, and if not, I will continue writing meditations on the Word as well, so keep checking back!

[Almost] 34 weeks down, six to go, and I am so excited to meet my second son. My first is still pretty much a baby at 18 months, but there's something extra squishy and special I miss about the newborn stage. I don't miss the sleeplessness, or the crazy hormones, or the stress of getting behind on laundry and dishes... but I am determined to set up my family and myself for success as we transition into a family of four.

Success means different things to different people, but for me, I have no expectations of endlessly peaceful snuggling, no crying, 3 square meals with nutritious snacks in between, a newborn who sleeps through the night by 2 weeks and has no need to cluster feed, or a toddler who experiences no confusion or jealousy at the sight of Mommy constantly holding another tiny human instead of him {insert Mama tears here}.

Photo by li tzuni on Unsplash

Instead, I have hopeful anticipation of the God who designed families and gifted us these two precious boys and ordained the timing of our restaurant opening (that's an entirely different story) and Little One's birth so near each other and knows that I often struggle with winter blues - that same God will be walking with us every step of the way. He will be present when we're getting no sleep whatsoever; He sacrificed more than one night of sleep in His time on earth on our behalf. He will be present when I'm overwhelmed with emotion because I can't be everything to both my babies; He has wept. He will be present when I cannot deal with the piles of dishes or laundry or crumbs or screaming and begin sinking; He calms storms with the beautiful sound of His voice.

So these are the truths I'm meditating on and the Rock on which I place my hope. And I also prepare in physical ways because He has given me the ability to do so.

Photo by Alyson McPhee on Unsplash

1) Meal Prep

Feeding my family is a gift. It is a privilege. It is not my favorite part of my role, but it is a necessity and a blessing for my husband and children. So to help ensure we won't be scrounging veggie straws and string cheese for every meal, I am prepping double batches of two different freezer meals each week leading up to the birth, as well as a batch of a protein-rich breakfast food. This should give me 4-6 weeks of breakfasts and dinners to take a cooking load off the newborn phase. All I will have to do is remember to thaw them out in time.

People, I do not enjoy cooking much at all, so this plan will take a lot of discipline for me, but I feel empowered after listening to Episode #37 of the Titus 2 Minute with Jami Balmet: Freezer Cooking to Save Your Sanity. I highly recommend this episode, along with the recipes she links to in her show notes, as well as the podcast.

2) Home Projects

This one is getting more and more challenging as I am not quite as agile as I was a few months ago and my midwife doesn't want me lifting heavy objects, but... here is my list.

First, I am prepping my oldest son's Big Boy Room so he can begin sleeping there for at least a month before the baby comes and get used to it. I am not putting pressure on myself to have it completely decorated and Pinterest-ready before the due date, but he will have a crib, an organized dresser and closet, and curtains at the very least. Decor can come bit by bit over the next several months.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Second, I am prepping the nursery for my new son's arrival. Before my first was born, I wanted to have a neutral nursery so I didn't have to change it for each baby. I went with a Beatrix Potter theme, and as sweet as it is, I am now feeling like I don't want this boy to just have Big Brother's leftovers for everything, so I am changing it up a little to make it unique to Little One. I am keeping the decor changes very simple and inexpensive, so the wall color, crib, changing table, and glider can remain as they are. I do have quite a bit of organizing to do in the nursery closet, so I am referring to Pinterest for help with that.

Third, I am transitioning a strange little room between my kitchen and dining room into a play room. The reason is that it has a pocket door on the opposite side I can pull shut and lock to prevent escaping, and then I can place a baby gate in the doorway nearest the kitchen so I can still easily hear and see what is happening in there while I cook or do dishes. This will help contain some mess and I hope keep my older son interested for a longer period of time as opposed to wandering through the living room with crumby snacks or pulling at my legs while I'm trying to place something in the hot oven.

This project, however, requires listing and selling two large pieces of furniture and painting (the walls are currently a pale pink - the room was originally intended to be my "office"). This seems like a bite too big to chew in the last few remaining weeks of pregnancy, but I believe it will improve our quality of life, especially once the baby comes, so I am motivated to take it on. I'm grateful to have family in town who are willing to help with these sorts of things.

Fourth, I want to clean my furniture and carpets. My toddler and newborn will both spend a LOT of time very close to the floor. We have a Bissell carpet cleaner that is very user-friendly, which makes cleaning the carpets quick and easy.

3) Self-Care

I am scheduling fewer and fewer activities and get-togethers these last few weeks because, as much as I love my friends, they will still be there after the baby comes, but I will not get these last precious weeks with my only son back. This is a form of self-care because it is an aspect of expecting Baby #2 that has caused a lot of mixed emotions for me. I've always wanted to have lots of babies: in high school I wanted 10, but I've scaled back a little on that over the years to where I think 4 sounds perfect. Of course my husband and I are open to what God wants our family to look like, but no matter how many kids I'd like to have, there is something so bittersweet about giving up that undivided, one-on-one time with my firstborn. Golly, I'm tearing up about it as I type this.

Photo by Anna Kolosyuk on Unsplash

Someone told me this ache in my heart about the prospect of not being able to give him the same amount of attention is the physical manifestation of God stretching my Mama heart to make room for two precious babies. I love that image, so I have held it close. I have also held onto the fact that millions of mamas have gone through this process and come out the other side completely in love with two (or three or ten) children.

That is more of the emotional self-care, but for physical care, I am preparing some DIY creams, salves and sprays for postpartum care. Any woman who has given birth knows how many care products are helpful for healing in those first few weeks. There are several recipes I have that incorporate essential oils into plant-derived carrier oils, which I believe are incredibly supportive to the body's natural healing processes and are safe and effective to use on myself and my newborn, even while breastfeeding. I'm excited to prepare these and have them labeled and ready-to-go for after the birth.

Leading up to the birth, I will be walking and stretching every day, adding in a strength or yoga routine 3-4 days a week. I will also get a haircut and a mani-pedi so I feel as lovely as possible going into a season of infrequent showering or styling.

Self-care, especially when it comes to spending money on things to enhance external beauty, is a sticky topic among Christians. However, I believe that when a woman cares for her appearance enough to feel clean and confident, she is better able to direct her attention away from herself (insecurity) and onto the needs and concerns of others. Also, it is just plain practical to take care of our bodies because they're the vessel through which we minister the love of Christ to others.

4) Prep for Labor

Before my first son was born, my husband and I attended 12 weeks of birth classes at the home of a certified Bradley Method Birth instructor. It was such a valuable time for us, and it helped me feel incredibly confident about what actually happens in my body during pregnancy, labor and delivery, and the postpartum/breastfeeding period. I had also decided long ago that I wanted to give birth without an epidural or spinal block, partly because they terrify me and partly because I wanted to experience childbirth with as little unnecessary medical intervention as possible. The Bradley Method Birth classes empowered me to do just that.

I did end up needing to be induced at 41 weeks 5 days due to hospital insurance policies, and looking back I know that was the right decision for both my son's and my health. Even though I received pitocin intravenously, and that was not part of my ideal birth plan, I was able to give birth without any pain medication, thanks to the strength and peace God provided and the skilled coaching and loving support of my husband and mom.

I know I can do it again this time, but since we are not going through the classes again, my husband and I have to be much more intentional about scheduling time to review our class materials and practice the labor techniques. I am also creating a playlist of worship music and just generally happy or calming music for labor as well as a list of Scripture and positive affirmations I can speak to myself and that my husband can speak over me when I feel discouraged.

Finally, I am adding a lot of emotion-supporting oils to my hospital bag because they have been such a help to me throughout the postpartum period with my firstborn and during pregnancy. Our sense of smell is directly connected to the emotional center of our brains, so certain blends of essential oils have the power to access feelings that might otherwise remain hidden or unidentified. Giving birth is a deeply emotional process, no matter how it is done, so supporting emotions with Scripture, through the love of family, and by physical means such as essential oils is critical to the laboring mother.

If you made it this far, you either are pregnant, have been pregnant, or want to be pregnant, so good for you! Thanks for reading my thoughts and plans, and I hope they were a little bit encouraging to you.

Photo by Fischer Twins on Unsplash

This month has been one of great humbling for me. I don't like to be humbled; no one does. It's uncomfortable, and it goes against all natural "instincts" (a.k.a. sin nature).

Our natural response in times of humbling is to defend ourselves. We want to blame a failure or at least shortcoming on someone or something out of our control. Sometimes that may very well be the case, but often the fact is that we are just people who make mistakes and sin.

Or we had every good intention and kindness of heart behind something we did or said... perhaps even felt led by the Holy Spirit to do so... and it was received poorly. A friend or family member became angry with us or an awkward wedge was driven into a formerly uncomplicated relationship. It leads us to want to explain ourselves and do what we can to justify our words and actions in their eyes, but doing so would only lead to a greater rift.

These are the ways we approach such situations apart from the grace of God. But we who are in Christ are to come under His Lordship and submit to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, even when it puts us at a "disadvantage" in the perspective of the world. It's oh-so-difficult, but oh-so-worth-it.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus told us the godly response to being taken advantage of or insulted is to "turn the other cheek" (Matthew 5:39). This is another example of how upside-down the Kingdom of God is relative to the world's advice and ideas about success. We are told that those who humble themselves before the Lord will be lifted up (James 4:10) and to not think of ourselves more highly than we ought (Romans 12:3).

Scripture is full of examples of humility being rewarded, and those who choose to serve others and set their ego aside are honored by the Lord Himself. And how much more rewarding is the favor of God Almighty, the One who Himself gave His life for us, than the fickle opinion of man?