I've been reading through the book of Ezekiel, and for the first time, I'm not struggling to stay awake. By the grace of God and the illumination of the Holy Spirit, I have been able to see this book I once thought was crazy and depressing and boring with fresh eyes.

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Sundays are going to be the easy days for this #write31days thing because my pastor does most of the work for me. Seriously, this morning was another great, great service - music, sermon, altar call, the whole package. God was at work in my heart again. Thank You, Lord.

This week the passage was from Mark 1 when Jesus calls Simon Peter and Andrew, James and John to follow Him. I was reminded of the Sunday School song: "I will make you fishers of men, fishers of men, fishers of men, I will make you fishers of men, if you follow Me." A simple song with a powerful message straight from Scripture.

Like my pastor, apparently, I don't have the gift of evangelism. The very few times I've shared the Gospel with someone face to face I've stumbled over my words. My testimony isn't very exciting. I don't have some really clear-cut transformation story to share with people. Which has led me to be timid in my witness and stifle the Spirit when He prompts me to strike up a spiritual conversation.

Sometimes I feel like I ought to memorize all the apologetics arguments and study evangelism methods and practice in front of a mirror or something before I even invite a neighbor over for coffee. Well, tea, since I don't actually have a scrap of coffee in my house. And while it certainly wouldn't hurt to do those things (maybe minus the mirror part), I was reminded this morning that Jesus only tells us to follow Him. When we do, He is the One who will equip us, prepare us, give us words, and make us fishers of men.

The world needs Jesus so, so desperately. It can be overwhelming to think about and cause me to wonder how I could ever put a dent in the problem. But that's me thinking that I am somehow responsible for the fate of the world. I'm just not that powerful. All Jesus calls me to do is follow Him, with an open heart to do what He tells me to do, and He will be the One who enables me. And He will be the One who saves.

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I power-cleaned my house today because I have a few guests coming next week. Unfortunately, I struggle with discipline, a large house and a 6-month-old. The last two items in that list are wonderful gifts from God, but they both require a lot of maintenance, and without discipline, it's a bit of a challenge.

I love having my house freshly cleaned, the stairs thoroughly vacuumed, floors picked up and counters bare. It feels peaceful and fresh. However, due to my undisciplined nature, it doesn't take long for those counters to collect mail and dishes and groceries and all sorts of things and the floors to be spread with baby toys and empty Amazon boxes. My house needs regular cleaning and daily tidying to maintain its status as a haven of rest, but it rarely gets such routine attention.

Jesus talks about the importance of "cleaning house" in Luke 11:24-26:

"When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first."

This is a sobering illustration. I don't feel like I'm equipped to talk about demons tonight, but these truths apply to habitual sin, as well. When we recognize our sin for what it is and sweep it from our hearts and minds but don't take measures to avoid temptation or develop systems to deal with future sin (confess and repent immediately, for example), we are guaranteed to fall right back into those old patterns. We may have a "clean house," but it won't last unless we develop a "cleaning routine" and stick to it.

Perhaps this analogy seems weak to some of you; I bet you don't have much cleaning to do on the regular. ;) However, this is very real to me now, both the cleaning of the house and the cleaning of the heart, and I hope many of you can identify with these words and be urged to develop some systems, hard as they be, to ensure consistency in both areas of your life.

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I just got done hand washing some clothes, among them some brand new LuLaRoe leggings!! (Thanks, honey.) I hand wash them in a bucket of cold water with free and clear detergent and gently squeeze the water out because they are so heavily dyed. Even so, some of the dye comes out in the water, and I have to swap it out for fresh water after every couple of items to make sure the dye doesn't transfer to other items of clothing.

Which made me think, "How do I color the water?" When I am hanging out with others, do I transfer icky dark gray dye (discouragement, tension, pride, insecurity, negativity), or do I transfer lovely deep purple dye (encouragement, peace, humility, other-centeredness, and positivity)?

How do you color the water in your interactions? We all rub off on people to some extent. Let's try, the next time we're on our way to work or church or some other gathering, to pray for the Holy Spirit to bring forth beautiful colors from our spirits as we interact with people. May we be colorful witnesses to the transforming work of Christ.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23

Bonus Question: For the artistic and contemplative among you, what colors come to mind as you read the list of the fruits of the Spirit? Did you learn a certain edible fruit corresponding to a Spiritual fruit as a memory device in Sunday School? I would love to hear about it! :)

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I used to love pumpkin pie - at least my grandma's because she made the buttery, flaky crust from scratch. It was my favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner.

Somehow, though, over the last 5-10 years, my taste for pumpkin and squash-like things has diminished greatly. And while all the other girls are like "give me pumpkin pie spice and everything nice" as we head into autumn, I'm more like, "give me summer and sunshine as long as possible," and, "please, no, not winter again!"

However, I've been thinking today about how nice and calm this fall weather seems. Today was a bit crisp and spicy, like a good Fuji apple. I wore a baggy sweatshirt and yoga pants and just felt cozy. It was good.

While I dread (okay - maybe too strong of a word...) winter's approach, fall is a season that reminds me to rest. Yes, certainly some people's lives pick up pace in the fall with school and programs and commitments, but the early, dark evenings lend themselves much better to a warm cup of something, a fire - inside or out - and allowing life to quietly nestle into place.

Just like we need winter to remind us of our desperate need for God to make all things new (or is that just me?), spring to invigorate us and get us to pursue cultivating life, and summer to fill us with energy and delight in each moment, we need fall to remind us to rest.

I may no longer crave a slice of pumpkin pie, but I'm thankful for these moments to rest in God's presence and just enjoy stillness, observing the blazing beauty around me and thanking Him in whom "we live and move and have our being." (Acts 17:28)

I turned 26 a month ago, so here are 26 things that have brought me joy in the last month.

1) My baby boy learning how to roll from his tummy to his back. I no longer have to reposition him every 10 seconds when he's playing on the floor!

2) My baby belly-laughing at my husband singing N'Sync hits.

3) Rejoining the church orchestra after a 9-month hiatus due to my tummy becoming so large near the end of my pregnancy I couldn't reach around my cello to play. >D

4) Participating in a spiritual retreat with some dear ladies from my church.

5) My amazing Mom going out of her way to care for my son during said retreat.

6) Discovering my new favorite flavor of ice cream: Homemade brand Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup! Yum yum!

7) Enjoying very warm, sunny weather into October in the Northern hemisphere!!

8) A breathtaking hot pink sunset earlier this week.

9) The new sermon series at my church from the Gospel of Mark. I honestly wasn't expecting much going into it... I know all that stuff already. Or so I thought. The Word of God is living and active!

10) My servant-hearted husband cleaning the kitchen for me far too many times this month even though he has a million other things on his plate.

11) My servant-hearted husband caring for our boy while I got a makeover, had lunch with a friend and got a facial all in the last two weeks! I think I've been having too much fun.

12) Trying out some new makeup and having a blast experimenting with eyeshadow. The only sort of painting I'll ever do well.

13) Listening to Motown and being reminded that I need to listen to it a whole lot more because it makes me feel happy. :)

14) Cleaning some carpets and rugs in my house.

15) Purchasing a cart full of organizational supplies - cupboard dividers, tubs, lazy susans, you name it - so I can get some things off my counters and floors and into cupboards and closets.

16) Playing peek-a-boo with baby boo.

17) Having baby boo fall asleep without fussing while I sing to him for the first time ever.

18) Discovering treasures about God's character in Ezekiel. Again, didn't expect much out of the book. God is good.

19) Trying a really yummy new-ish restaurant with my BFF.

20) Walking to the park and swinging on the playground with my boy. Looks like he loves swinging as much as his mama. <3 font=""></3>

21) Starting a new study in our small group that I wasn't excited about but has brought fresh energy to the group and to my desire to grow closer to these dear brothers and sisters in Christ. I think this is a theme in my life right now. :)

22) Reading a really interested missionary biography - Evidence Not Seen - set in a place that reminds me a lot of the Philippines - a country near and dear to my heart since my husband hails from there.

23) Discovering several wonderful podcasts and finally downloading a streaming app so they're more accessible: Cultivating Life with Sally, Cultivating the Lovely, The Homemaking Foundations Podcast, Risen Motherhood, and God Centered Mom Podcast.

24) Being able to fit comfortably into even MORE of my pre-pregnancy clothes!

25) Laughing with my husband about goofy things like strange dance moves I do when I'm happy about something or facial expressions our baby makes or funny YouTube videos.

26) My husband's almost-limitless patience toward my LuLaRoe and Young Living addictions. >D >D >D

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I have been given two gifts: the gift of indecision, and the gift of impulsiveness. Just kidding. They're not gifts, just character flaws. We've all got 'em. Character flaws, that is. But, if you're like me, you have an interesting blend of such flaws.

On the one hand, I am terribly indecisive. Sometimes it's just because I want to be nice and let other people decide, say, on a movie or restaurant. Other times it's because there are just too many great options. My favorite restaurants are the ones that either I've been to so many times I've tried everything on the menu and know what's the most yummy option, or the ones that have very few menu choices so I don't have to agonize over them for too long.

On the other hand, I am incredibly impulsive. In a bad way. So much jumping on bandwagons and getting excited about ideas and starting before I've set my ducks in a row. And it leads to embarrassment down the line because I didn't really know what I was doing/thinking/talking about in the first place. If only there was a way to put all the words back into my mouth.

So, if you can identify in the least with what I just said, read on because I have brilliant advice for you.

STOP.

Take a deep breath, and just stop. Stop before you jump in. Stop before you let your mind get restless turning over all those options. Stop before you commit to something you're going to change your mind about later. Stop before you get in so deep you can't step back without feeling the need to explain yourself to everyone you previously explained yourself to.

Confused? Yes, I know. Ours is a very confusing lot, because we are double-minded. Now bear with me, because it may seem I'm using the following passage a little out of context. I shall explain myself in a bit.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
James 1:2-8

There are a lot of good bits in here. We're talking developing godly character by persevering through trials, seeking wisdom from the Lord, and being unstable because of doubts. Let's work backwards through this passage.

You and I, the impulsive, indecisive ones, experience a lot of doubt. We ask the Lord for wisdom, but our hearts still flutter among the possibilities. The solution? We must believe. Believe that the Lord will follow through on His promise to give generously! Such grace!

Still, why do we lack wisdom in the first place? We have not let perseverance finish its work, because if we had, we would be mature and full of wisdom. Now, none of us children of God are fully mature because the long road of sanctification doesn't end until we reach glory. However, I think some of us are further along in the process. That often comes with age and years of walking with Christ, but I believe persevering through trials expedites the process.

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
1 Peter 1:6-7

What are we impulsive types supposed to make of this? Scripture is clear that experiencing trials is the most effective way to learn patience and perseverance, without which we have a deficit in the wisdom department. None of us desire to suffer, but suffering is inevitable. The amazing thing is that God gives such grace in suffering that we are able to mature and become more like Christ through it.

So for those of us who like to jump into things without considering them well and then overthink things without committing to them, there is hope. We can learn to patiently await the wisdom God promises when we ask Him. And then we will no longer be double-minded or unstable in our decision-making because it will be Spirit-driven and grounded in the rest God graciously provides.

Perseverance leads to wisdom which leads to peaceful certainty. And that's good news for us impulsively indecisive people.

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I don't know what to say when things like the Las Vegas shooting happen. I'm afraid my heart has become callous in an attempt to cope with the onslaught of bad news. Really, really horrible news that comes far too often.

I don't know what to say other than, why am I surprised? Why are we surprised when people commit horrific acts of violence? Why do we think characters like Hitler and Lenin are so rare, when there are smaller Hitlers all over the face of the earth and when you and I have just as much potential to do these things as anyone else?

This thought scares me - I could be that shooter. Were it not for the grace of God, I could just as easily have pulled that trigger.

"But no," some might object. "You had a good upbringing in a loving family. You don't have a psychopathic mental illness. You don't stock up guns. You're not a 'lone wolf'."

Again, I ask, why? Why am I where I am today? Is it because I could control my mind and whatever trauma or hormonal imbalance causes such mental illness? No. Is it because my parents could control every narrative or influence I had access to? No. Is it because I had any say in the relatively affluent, conservative, family-friendly part of the world in which I was born? No.

No one determines into what family or part of the world or belief system they're born. Only Almighty God does that. And by His grace, I am not a shooter.

Humans are not basically good. The Bible describes very accurately the default position of the human heart: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9, ESV, emphasis mine

Except for Jesus, there go I. This is the Good News - that we do not all have to be bound for wickedness. The first response to the Good News is repentance - recognizing that we are not naturally pure of heart, that we are prone to unjust, unkind behavior, and it is entirely our own fault - not that of society, our family, or anyone else.

"The time has come," he said. "The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!" Mark 1:15

The same Man who spoke those words died the death a mass shooter deserves so that all of us who are inherently prone to such evil can be set free from the path to wickedness and set on the path of abundant, eternal life.

Will you turn away from your hard heart and believe in the only One who can save you from yourself? Please, I beg you, do so before it is too late.

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This post is creatively titled because it dawned on me that it was October 1st and #write31days has begun as I ran between my basement where I was cleaning carpets and my fitfully sleeping child two flights of stairs up multiple times this evening between the hours of 8 and 10 PM.

So here I am. I don't really have a theme this year, as I pretty much decided tonight that I would be doing this, more for therapeutic reasons than any other... why else would one write? October may become a collection of my thoughts on life right now, or it may become a play-by-play of my ever-inching growth in the area of spiritual disciplines, or it may become a commentary on the book of Ezekiel, which I happen to be reading through at the moment, and for which I had very low expectations, and in which God has surprised me many times.

For today, I am basking in the glow of the moving of the Spirit in my heart (and, I believe, many others' hearts) during the service at church this morning. The sermon was on Mark 1 when Jesus tells the Good News of the Kingdom of God and took us through a brief history of how Scripture and all time shows that the King of Kings is truly Lord over all. The kings of this earth will crumble and fall, but our God is victorious! And when we repent and believe that Jesus is Lord, we become citizens of the only Kingdom that will last forever! And He shall reign forever and ever!! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

While the Hallelujah chorus would not have been out of place in the service this morning, we sang Rich Mullins' My Deliverer instead, and Rich Mullins and his fellow Ragamuffin songwriters know how to speak to me. Well, at least, it's quite obvious they knew/know Jesus, and the Holy Spirit has used their music to speak to me. YouTube Rich Mullins Sing Your Praise to the Lord and see if you can keep a smile off your face. Then follow it with We Are Not as Strong as We Think We Are and Screen Door, and for crying out loud, just buy his whole album "Songs". You're welcome.

Back to the service. I just have to say, I am so incredibly thankful to God for my church. It is a big church, but it feels like a small church in all the best ways, and it has a thriving music ministry in which I am happy to be able to serve, and we are committed, committed to the Word of God and prayer. Praise the Lord! May our church leadership and body remain faithful to You, Lord, and may we be bold in our witness to the city in which You've placed us.

I've heard five paragraphs should be enough to communicate a thesis, but since I sort of have two theses for this introductory post, I'm wrapping it up with a sixth. Thanks for reading, and stay tuned, because I pray I will have words much more encouraging and focused in the days to come.