I would like to note, first of all, when the Bible talks about dying to self and crucifying the flesh, it is a physical metaphor for a spiritual reality. God never asks us to physically harm ourselves, so please understand that as you read this post. When I speak of death, I am speaking of the death of my will, of my pride, etc.
I am dying.
It is a slow, painful death, one that will take weeks, months, even years of agony and sacrifice.
This is the death of myself, and I do not like it, not one bit.
God has been speaking very clearly to me over the last week about a situation in my life. I keep asking Him what to do about it, hoping He'll give me an answer I like better, but His response is always: "Die."
Now that I've finally submitted to this very disagreeable plan of action, my prayer has changed slightly. You see, when God asks me to die to myself, sometimes I'll say, "Okay, but I'm going to be a martyr." So now I have to beg God to change my heart so I'm not acting like a martyr about this.
The truth, He reminds me, is,
You are dying to yourself, not dying for yourself.
You are crucifying the flesh and its desires, not throwing a pity party.
You are doing this for my glory.
Always remember that, and you will be truly alive.
Because I didn't tell the whole truth earlier when I shared God's answer to my first prayer. He doesn't just leave it at "die." He says, "Die, that you may live."
Death to self is life in Christ. And if Christ is the Life, that is the best life possible. Thank You, Jesus! Amen.
So when He says in Galatians 2:20...
I have been crucified with Christ.
It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
...I know now this requires that:
- I still have to be present to the people God has placed in my life.
- I have to believe Jesus is the best example, even when my flesh tells me He's not.
- I believe that, through Christ's strength, I can love others and give myself to others even when it kills me.
Do I like this? No. But I know this is where real life is found, and that is what I want - a circle of life, if you will, where Christ pours into me, and I pour into others, and others find life in Christ, and this whole cycle gives and receives and multiplies life.
Will you pray with me?
Oh God, help me die to myself that I may have and give life through You. I believe that Your love is the best. I believe that I can crucify my flesh yet truly live in You. I surrender all. All of me, even myself. Because of Jesus, Amen.
